FRIEND DEMOTION*

WHAT IS IT AND HOW CAN YOU IMPLEMENT IT?

A lot of people tend to cut their friends off when they have a fallout. And that's understandable. People like having a clean break. Nothing in their lives to serve as a constant reminder of the hurt. Nothing that really ties them to the person who caused them pain.

But how realistic is that, really? Especially when the two of you are part of a large, close knit friend group. You can't tear that group apart and force your friends to pick sides. They probably get enough of that from their dysfunctional families. They don't deserve that

treatment from their chosen families as well. So, what do you do then? When a clean break is out of the question?

Well, worry no more, because I have the perfect solution for you. Vastebasket Enterprise's newest product, the Friend Demotion™. The best way to have a friend break up, without having a friend break up.

What is a Friend Demotion™, you ask? Well, the name pretty much gives it away. A Friend Demotion™ is just like a work demotion. The demotee ends up a few steps down the corporate ladder and has way fewer responsibilities. And why does it happen? Because they were pretty damn shitty at their job. It doesn't matter how good of an employee they were when they first joined the company, or how well they gel with all the other employees at the organization. All that matters is that they failed at their job. Repeatedly.

So how does one implement a Friend Demotion™ ? It's just like carrying out a work demotion, except you don't have a talk with them explaining why they're being demoted. You establish boundaries in your head, and you give them less, of your time, effort and mental space. And you also start expecting much less from them. Expecting nothing is what Vastebasket Enterprises recommends, but we trust our customers enough to manage their expectations efficiently.

People change. This is something we've all heard since we were little. We would have been told stories of people whose personas transformed as they moved through life. We would have seen it happen to our parents and other people of their generation. But we forget that it can happen to us too.

We cheer on from the sidelines as we watch our friends turn into the best versions of themselves. Flourishing, finding their footing and claiming their place in the world. But every once in a while, you find a stranger in your circle, with a voice you don't recognise, wearing the weathered face of your childhood best friend.

You watch silently as the person who made school tolerable commits multiple minor acts of betrayal that make you feel like your intestines are being twirled by a giant fork, preparing you for disembowelment. This person no longer understands you. And worse, they don't care enough to try. And worst of all, they don't even want to.

And to think that you would've dropped everything to be there when they needed you. The imbalance is so drastic, it's laughable.

The sad fact of life is that no one owes you anything. Regardless of how well you treated them or how much love you showered them with. Friends can ghost you too. All you can do is try not to be haunted by them.

You can't force someone to love you the way you want to be loved. You can't force them to love you the way they used to either. The only thing you can do is recognize the patterns and prepare yourself for the heartbreaks that follow.

The nature of life and time is such that it propels us forward, bombarding us with change. Nothing will ever be the same again. Nothing will ever go back to the way it was. The sooner we accept it, the happier we can be. And maybe, just maybe, if you're lucky, a new thing may bloom out of the ashes of what you lost. And if you try enough, you will come to appreciate the new thing too.

Let's face it, most of us long for a rock-solid, super close friend group whose every member will be there for us, every step of the way. I, personally, blame F.R.I.E.N.D.S. for this. As a generation, we're constantly on the hunt for our Chandlers and Phoebes, or worse, our Marshalls and Lillys - friends who devote their entire lives to hearing our stories. Friends who are completely invested in helping us figure ourselves out.

Unfortunately, life is not a sitcom and you are not the main character. If anything, you're Gunther, a bright-headed individual who is constantly taken for granted.

It's hard, realizing that the ones you thought you could depend on unconditionally, may not always be able to give a fuck about your suffering. It's hard, watching your so-called support system crumble before your eyes. It's hard, feeling lonely when you already feel so alone.

But, what's important to remember is that, just because one friend crapped out, it doesn't mean that you are doomed to go through the same thing with your other friends as well. It's vital to know which friend is good for what.

Some friends will help you move your furniture and do your assignments. Others will never miss a chance to join you to consume mind-altering substances. A few will notice the changes in your mood. And one or two may even come close to actually understanding you.

If you open up to the friend who you only call when you want a good time, they may not be able to comfort you and provide moral support. But what they will do, is pour you a drink and proceed to say the funniest thing you have ever heard.

So let your friends do what they're good at. You can't make a fish climb a tree, right? We must learn what people's fortes are, and approach them with problems pertaining to that particular discipline. It's always important to employ strategy while choosing the ones you open up to. The ones you let inside.

Once you've made peace with the fact that your real support system is actually much smaller than the entirety of your friend circle, it becomes easier to forgive the perpetrator. In a way it's not even really their fault. Some people are just detached and uncaring by nature, they can't really help it.

And it's better to just forgive them, right? For your own mental well-being?

By holding a grudge and marinating in resentment, you almost end up obsessing over a person who doesn't give a single second thought about you. I don't know about you, but to me, that seems kinda…cringe. It's almost like simping, but in a much worse context. Wimping.

At the end of the day, forgiveness is truly the only thing that can set you free. It's the only way to get rid of that fork stuck in your gut. But forgiving doesn't mean that you forget as well. It's important to ensure that you don't give them an opportunity to break your heart again.

So,

Forgive, and expect nothing

Forgive, and give them less of yourself

Forgive, and Demote

(™)

If you threw a party, all of your friends may show up. But not everyone will stick around to help you clean up afterwards. Not everyone will designate some of their shoulder space for your tears and snot. Not everyone will help you throw up if needed.

But the one that do, are the real deal. Cherish them.

Vastebasket Enterprises hope that you will utilise the powerful tool that is Friend Demotion™ for your own good as well as the good of others. Bear in mind that the act of Demoting someone is not an excuse to start acting like a dick.

Love,

The Developers of Friend Demotion™

*Patent Pending. Terms and Conditions apply.